The Wagon
by Red Witch
Summary: Co-Written with Coldfusion 180. More madness and musical parodies following Booze Glorious Booze. Seriously folks, nothing sane here.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own X-Men Evolution characters, the parody of the song 'I Saw A Dragon' or Jumbo the Happy Mutant Elephant. A lot of this was ColdFusion 180's idea. I just happened to throw in a kangaroo and some dancing sponges. **

**The Wagon**

"YAAAHOOOOO!" Charles Xavier laughed as he tossed empty Scotch bottles into the air and watches as they rained down. "Look ma! I can juggle!"

"I'm not your mother," Ororo hiccupped. Most of the adults of both the X-Men and Brotherhood teams were in Xavier's study, partying their way through their latest drinking spree. "And you can't juggle."

"Oh right. Never mind," Xavier looked at the glass. "I can try to juggle at least."

"Good enough," Ororo agreed as she took a sip of wine.

"Whoopie! I can fly!" Magneto hiccupped as he danced upside down on the celling.

"Me too! Wanna race to the liquor cabinet?" Ororo asked as she flew up next to him.

"You're on!" Magneto laughed. The two of them began to fly haphazardly around the room while banging into the walls.

"Well this is something you don't see every day," Logan commented as he sat off to the side drinking a beer. "I don't know what's weirder. Chuck hitting on a bookcase and asking it for a date or the two of us sitting together and almost getting along."

"Me neither," Sabertooth tossed an empty bottle over his shoulder and reached for another beer. "Amazing what a little alcohol can do for people."

_"Oh what a feeling! When we're dancing on the celling!"_ Magneto sang as he flew around the room.

"Hold on…is it just me or is anyone else wondering how out of character this whole situation is?" Logan looked around.

"What do you mean, Logan?" Xavier hiccupped. "We're not out of character. Right Mr. Kangaroo?"

"Of course not old chap," A kangaroo wearing a black vest, a black bowler hat speaking with an English accent sat next to him. "Everything is right as rain and sound as a pound."

"See?" Xavier pointed. "Everything is normal."

"Well if the kangaroo says so," Logan shrugged and went back to drinking.

"Somebody's missing," Sabertooth looked around. "Where's the big blue science nerd?"

"I think he went to get more Scotch from the hidden cupboard in the kitchen," Logan shrugged and took another swig of beer. "Or was it to round up some Scots and invade England? I forget which."

"Wheeeeee!" Xavier giggled as he wheeled around with his jacket tails held up high and his tie looped around his head. "I'm Jumbo the Happy Mutant Elephant!"

CRASH!

"Ha! I win!" Magneto grinned as he lay among the broken remains of the study's liquor cabinet. He held up an unbroken bottle in triumph. "I get to take a drink!" He took a victory swig.

"Oh yeah? Watch this!" Ororo made a small tornado next to her and dumped several drinks into it. Then she reformed the tornado into a cloud and positioned it above her head. "Look! It's raining booze!"

"I want some of that my fair lady!" The British Kangaroo cheered. "That's it dancing sponges! Soak it up!"

_ "Booze is good! Booze is good_!" Several multicolored dancing sponges danced around the floor taking in the alcohol.

"Okay I admit it. That's a damn good power," Sabertooth snorted. "Let me at that!" He went under the raincloud and opened up his mouth in order to catch the alcohol.

"Oh damn," Magneto sat up. "Her power is better than mine! She really is a goddess!"

"If only she could do that on a larger scale and on a daily basis!" Logan whistled.

"It would make human-mutant relations skyrocket around here that's for sure," Sabertooth laughed as he picked up an empty glass and let the alcohol rain fill it. "Another drink?"

"Why not?" Logan took an empty glass and joined his rival. "All hail the Goddess of Alcohol! Long may she reign!"

"Long may she rain booze!" Sabertooth laughed as he chugged his drink.

"Geese where is Hank? He's missing all the fun!" Logan snorted.

"AAAAHHH!" A still heavily bandaged Hank hobbled in and shut the doors behind him. "Charles! We've got trouble!"

"I'm not Charles. I'm Jumbo!" Xavier blew his tie out of his face while smiling stupidly. "Behold my Italian patterned trunk!"

"Charles snap out of it!" A surprisingly sober looking Hank slapped Xavier across the face a few times. "We have a real emergency on our hands!"

"Ow! Why? What is it now?" Xavier managed to regain some of his senses. "Sentinels?"

"I wish," Hank moaned. "No."

"Apocalypse?" Ororo had stopped fooling around with her powers and was becoming concerned. "No, worse!"

"Well it has to be the Brotherhood since they're probably already here," Magneto groaned as he leaned against the wall. "What did they do this time?"

"It's not them," Hank said. "It's worse than the Brotherhood!"

"Kelly finally snapped and got himself a bazooka and is on his way here?" Logan asked.

"No," Hank said. "But thank you for putting that image in my head."

"Oh God, it's not Mystique is it?" Sabertooth looked worried. "I can't deal with that bitch lately."

"It's not Mystique," Hank said.

"Thank God for that," Sabertooth poured himself another drink.

"Did Forge make a new invention?" Xavier asked.

"No," Hank shook his head.

"Kitty's cooking?" Logan asked.

"No," Hank told him.

"Kitty wants one of us for a driving lesson," Logan guessed.

"Not that either," Hank said.

"The students have finally gone completely insane and are revolting?" Sabertooth guessed. "Not that I haven't already found the little buggers revolting anyway…"

"Close but no," Hank was looking slightly pale. "The students. They plan to…to…"

"Plan to what?" Ororo asked, still slightly tipsy. "What is their plan?"

"It's…It's…" Hank started to visibly sweat. "_The wagon! The wagon! They'll force us on the wagon!" _

"So it is a Kitty driving thing," Logan said.

"Not **that** kind of wagon!" Hank snapped. "**The** Wagon! With a capital W!"

"The Wagon?" Xavier blinked. Realization hit him. "Ohhh, the **Wagon!**"

Hank grabbed Xavier by the shoulders and did what all upset men do. He sang. "_I overheard their every word and much to my dismay! They plan to come and storm in here and take our booze away!"_

Hank then fell to his knees and wrung his hands. _"There's no place to hide a drop! They know our every last cache! It's true! It's true! Oh what are we to do? It's true! It's true! They'll throw out all our brew!"_

"WHAT?" Logan shouted just as footsteps could be heard in the distance.

_"AAAH! They're comin' here to take our beer! Quick barricade the door_!" Hank hugged Ororo around her knees. "_Go board up all the windows! And prepare for a war!" _

"Let's go! Move it! Move it!" Logan shouted as the adults immediately jumped up and began to build a barricade just as the doorknob began to turn.

"We're moving! We're moving!" Ororo shouted as she and Hank shoved a bookcase in the way.

"No! They can't take our booze!" Magneto yelled. He grabbed several bottles and flew quickly out the window. "Sabertooth we're outta here!"

"So long Runt!" Sabertooth grabbed a bottle and followed him out the window.

"WHAT?" Logan shouted as the two mutants took off. "HEY! GET BACK HERE YOU DESERTERS!"

"Erik no! We can reason with them!" Xavier yelled. "At least leave us with some alcohol!"

_"Trust Magneto_ you said!" Logan snarled. "_We can work through our differences_ you said! I **knew** it! I knew that metal bending freak would stab us in the back the first chance…"

"Forget them!" Hank yelled as the study doors began to buckle inward. "Hurry up and help blockade the door!"

"Don't let them in!" Ororo shouted.

"Help me Mr. Kangaroo! Help me!" Xavier yelled.

"Sorry old chap but I must bid you adieu!" The British Kangaroo leapt out the window. "Ta!"

"Oh **come on!"** Xavier shouted as the students pounded on the door. He looked at another figure. "What about you?"

"Sorry," A medium sized pink and purple elephant huffed. "You should have thought of that before you made fun of me!"

"Jumbo I'm sorry!" Xavier shouted.

"Too little, too late!" Jumbo snorted before he flew away.

"Oh no!" Xavier began to shake as the students started to force their way in. _"The wagon! The wagon! They'll put us on the wagon!" _

_"Every day our nerves they fray and push us to the brink_," Ororo sang as she pushed another chair on the pile. "_They argue, fight, set things alight and wonder why they drink!" _

_ "If they come in they'll take our gin and pour it down the sink!" _Hank warned as he and Logan desperately tried to keep the barricade in place.

_ "It's true! It's true! Oh what are we to do_?" Xavier wept. "_It's true! It's true! Look out their breaking through!"_

"No they won't! Not on my watch!" Logan snarled.

"Wanna bet?" Kitty asked as she poked her head through the rubble. "You guys do remember I can do this right?"

BAMPH!

"And I can do **this**," Kurt gave them a look as he teleported into the room with Jean.

"And I can do **this!**" Jean made a wave of her hands moving the barricade aside.

"Oh crap," Logan groaned. "I forgot they could do that."

CRASH!

The remaining students stormed into the room with Scott and Rogue leading the charge. _"The wagon! The wagon! You're going on the wagon!"_

_ "You're off your hinges! All those binges put you round the bend!" _Scott and Kurt backed Hank into a corner. "_Just hand over the Scotch! Your drinking days are at an end!"_

_ "Let go of it! Let go of it! It's not your special friend_!" Jean and Rogue tried to pry a bottle out of Xavier's fingers.

"NOOOO!" Xavier yelled. "_What makes you think you'll never put…? You'll never put! You'll never, ever put us on the wagon! Wagon! Wagon! Wagon!" _

"Professor?"

_"Wagon…Wagon…Wagon…" _Xavier moaned. "I don't wanna go on the wagon."

"What wagon? He's out of it yo," Todd's voice was heard.

Xavier opened his eyes blearily. He saw his students and several members of the Brotherhood standing around. "What?"

"Professor are you all right?" Scott asked in a worried tone.

"Uh yes…Scott I am…" Xavier winced as a small headache started to pound his brain.

"Wolverine told us you passed out with Magneto a couple hours ago," Jean said.

"Passed out? So we weren't all just singing just now…?" Xavier blinked as he sat up on a couch.

"Uh no…" Jean blinked.

"Oh thank God," Xavier let out a breath. "It was all a dream! That explains the musical numbers. And the talking kangaroo."

"Talking kangaroo?" Logan asked.

Xavier looked at Logan. "And it also explains why you were almost getting along with Sabertooth without destroying the room. You were right Logan it was all out of character."

"Huh?" Logan blinked. "How much did you **drink**?"

"A lot. He really was singing in his sleep," Fred pointed out. "Which is why we're having an intervention."

"What?" Xavier blinked.

"Come again?" Hank moaned.

"Where's Sabertooth?" Magneto looked around the room blearily.

"He ran out with half the booze hours ago," Logan waved. "The minute you passed out."

"Figures…" Magneto moaned.

"Oh great…" Hank moaned as he lay on the couch with an ice pack on his head. "Will someone shut up those stupid birds in my head?"

"Where's Storm?" Xavier looked around.

"Still throwing up in the bathroom," Rogue gave him a look. "Luckily we had a little help from…Well…"

"Blue bad! Green bad!" Two sponges with little arms, legs and eyes were rolling around beating each other up on a nearby table.

"Are those…Sponges?" Xavier blinked.

"Oh that's Bob and Frank," Pyro said casually. "Bob is the blue one. Frank's the green one."

"So that part **was **real?" Magneto sighed.

"Pretty much everything up until about a couple hours ago was real," Lance explained.

"We found most of you guys passed out and singing in your sleep." Scott said. "Hence the intervention."

"Which means you guys are going on the wagon," Pietro said. "All of you."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Xavier and Magneto yelled in terror.

"I'm out of here!" Magneto got up and used his powers to fly out the window.

"Get him!" Lance ordered his team.

"I'd like to but I got my hands full here," Fred said as he grabbed a fleeing Logan.

"No! I've already lost too much already! You're not taking my beer!" Logan protested.

"Jean you and Rogue help the rest of the Brotherhood corral Magneto," Scott ordered. "We'll help Blob hold onto Wolverine and the others."

"Let's get him!" Rogue said.

"You'll take my beer over my cold dead body!" Logan snarled as he tried to fight his way out.

"Grab him! Pin him down!" Fred and several X-Men tried to hold Logan down.

WHAM!

"You really shouldn't try to fly while drunk, boss," Todd called out. "That way you won't fly into the trees so much!"

In the insanity that followed no one noticed three figures watching the entire scene from an already open study window. "See? I told you it was a good idea to bring a camera along when we decided to follow Magneto," Remy said smugly.

"I admit you were right," Piotr said standing next to him. "Are you getting all this?"

"Oh yes," Jamie nodded as he filmed the entire incident with a digital camera. "And thanks to the security cameras in the mansion not only did I get the Trout Ball incident but all the adults singing and dancing from the beginning."

"You have a real talent for gathering blackmail, kid," Remy grinned. "Gambit likes that."

"I'll give you two a discount when I start making copies," Jamie smirked.

"You were right Gambit. This is a good way to get revenge on Magneto for being a terrible leader," Piotr smirked. "That and jerking me around saying he knew where my family was when he didn't have a clue."

"So how are we gonna do this? Me Tube or sending it to that Brotherhood Channel thing?" Remy asked.

"Are you kidding? Small potatoes," Jamie smirked. "I've got a pay per view deal that will keep all of us in video game money for years!"

"Forget Magneto and Apocalypse, Multiple's the real evil mutant mastermind everybody should watch out for," Remy whistled.

"Magneto should also watch out for trees," Piotr winced. "Oh it is definitely a bad idea to fly while intoxicated."


End file.
